Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
