i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I deserve this hangover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
