I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
