He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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