Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
