I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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