we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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