After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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