My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
