so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
