Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
