This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
