i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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