After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
