Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
