Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
