You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize