If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
