I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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