we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
