I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
