oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
