I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes