I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
