there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
