my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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