So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
