WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
