you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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