I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
