So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
