Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
