Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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