help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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