my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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