At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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