took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
