Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
