Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
