Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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