ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
