How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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