And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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