Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You can't special order awesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
