Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
