I think my fart just growled at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize