swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
