uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
