rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
