Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
