i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize