Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
