i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
