Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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