I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
