Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
