he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
