Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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