I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
