Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
