Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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