a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
