my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
