Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
