Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Vodka?
Forever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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