So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
