my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
