I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
