there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
