YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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