life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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