She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
