If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
