Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
