Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
