I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
God, I missed his penis.
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