I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
